Face Blindness (2 stories featured)

 

Story 1

I grew up in a joint family in Central India, where it was very common and expected in my times that a girl child is accompanied by her family members whenever she goes out. My grandparents and father used to routinely take me out with them. However, I distinctly remember that they used to let me know where we are going and who we are expected to meet. From those days of my life, I only know my mother used to proclaim with pride that she never stepped out unescorted, and that she is happy in that space. We all knew and were unquestioning to the fact that my mother would need help regularly to identify visitors and she would never really remember routes or venture out on her own. Today, when I look back with the knowledge of face blindness, a lot of things fall in place about my mother’s choice of life as well as the challenges and comfort that I found in navigating my own.

 

Later in life, my father, a businessman by profession, began cultivating a sense of business and purpose in my life by taking me around with him, not only to our shop, but also to the various cities he visited for work. In order to help me become independent, he used to make me buy tickets, call for porter, get taxi, and also introduced me to the business associates. He encouraged me a lot to become independent, and always gave unintrusive supervision to help me with a fail proof environment. I enjoyed the challenges and his feedback at the end of the task, and was assured he will fix things if they go wrong. The thing I also remember is that I always used to sneak a glance over my shoulder to confirm he is available at a distance. This habit was my coping mechanism because in a crowded place, it was very easy for me lose him and not be able to spot him on my own.

 

I was the only woman distributor for electrical and electronic products many times in the whole of India, and being successful at that, I was often invited for Dealers’ meetings/conferences at various locations. I used to tell myself that all these people who meet me at these events or elsewhere find it easy to recognize me as I am the only woman in this field. I used to believe that because there are so many men, it is but understandable that I struggle to remember them by their faces. My coping strategy was to latch onto a familiar person and stay with that individual throughout the event to ensure I don’t miss anyone. Similar struggles take place with my place of residence, where I am the Secretary of the association. Everyone in the apartments knows me and reaches out to me with their grievances, however I place the person only with reference to prior discussion for my context setting. They think I am a no non-sense person, as I don’t indulge in small talk in the premises.

 

My customers are in context when I am at my shop and I can unfailingly remember the year of sales/transactions done, discussion/complaints, and any follow up business opportunity, as well as their home and office locations. However, in any other context, I only respond to a greeting and let the person take the lead. I respond in nothing specific till I am able to piece their identity together based on the conversation, location of the meeting, or time of the day. In case I fail to do so, I just chat and leave, with no clue of who I had just met. In public places, like roads and markets, I am known as somebody who does not prolong a conversation because as a woman, I would prefer not to. I have let people believe it as that is known and accepted, rather than to actually tell I have no clue who they are.

 

My personal journey of understanding my disability and its overall impact is fairly recent. In my case, irrespective of number of people, shop floor became my context which did not fail me ever. I would like to share this story with a hope that others who identify with me will know that it is possible to be successful, even in an individual and highly people-oriented field like business. My journey could have been better informed if I knew this 30 years ago when I started, or maybe I wouldn’t have made these choices, hard to tell today.

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Story 2

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"When there are too many characters in a film, I get confused, who's who."

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"I often don't recognize people I meet on the road. Maybe this is the beginning of Alzheimer's."

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He used to say these often and smile, to cover it up I guess. He did not show any other sign of Alzheimer's till his last breath and we were not aware enough to know about a neurological disability called face blindness.

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For a person who was in a public sector job in his prime, where he had to interact with multiple people in a day, I wonder how difficult it must have been for him to carry on his job, given that he struggled to recognize faces.

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He was known as a gentle, calm, quiet and somewhat recluse who hardly had any friends. Not because he lacked sensitivity or warmth, or was not friendly in his demeanor. He never seemed to be excited to meet people on the road and hence was assumed to be rude, uncaring, cold, uninterested in human interactions.

 

On the contrary, as his child, I know how genuinely warm he was to fellow human beings. He couldn't carry on long conversations, and small talk also seemed a challenge in the pre-smartphone (not texting) days as one had to talk face-to-face or on the telephone.

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Now when I recollect how he never enjoyed films or had trouble remembering people and faces, I just feel a sense of helplessness. Now that he is no more, I have no way to check with him or get him tested for face-blindness, a rare form of invisible disability.

 

I can do only one thing now. Spread awareness.

 

Let's not assume that a person is rude, uncaring if the person repeatedly fails to respond in unfamiliar settings. Let's not jump to conclusions right away. Let's give some time before we summarily reject a person for failing in social situation. Let's be more inclusive to people who might have such invisible disabilities. Allow space, be inclusive. The world will be a better place for many even with the slightest touch of acceptance and love.